It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
