why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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