I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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