Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
