We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
