OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
