He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
