It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
