I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
