I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
