please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
