does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
my liver is dry heaving
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