Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
