Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
