that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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