I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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