My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
