How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
