let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
