Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
