just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pray to the hookup gods
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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