But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
