remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
