when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
