Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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