Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
