You really coming over, don't trick.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
