well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
