i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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