i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
