Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
