respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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