this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
