i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
