I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
