He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
