I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
