Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
