My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
