I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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