I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
