just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
