DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I want to fling myself into the sun
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
