the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
be right there i have to get my cape
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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