haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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