Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
