Three words: puerto rican gang bang
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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