we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
