Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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