Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
