We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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