and next time when you feel me up, do it right
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
