do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I would ride that face into the sunset
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
