Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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