i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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