it hurts more in the daytime
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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