you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
