tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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