My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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