Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
