I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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