I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
