i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
