But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
