Sorry, I don't speak sober.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
